deodands

The nonneutron teaspoon

Recent theoretical studies and a literature controversy have shown the need for a determination of the volume of the teaspoon. We have carried out a series of volume determinations and report the surprising results here.

Literature review

The teaspoon has long been asserted by authorities in the field to have a volume of 5ml (author's spouse, pers comm). In the context of recent developments in the neutron teaspoon debate, our laboratory conducted a literature search (Google Inc, Stanford) for neutron star teaspoon, followed by heuristic refinement, and discovered a NASA estimate of 1.5ml for the volume of a teaspoon. As both of these sources have been known to be error in the past (for example the Hubble space telescope for one and a still classified example for the other) we decided to carry out new determinations.

Materials

All identifiable teaspoons from two locations (author's cutlery drawer, including the rarely seen bit right at the back with the pastry crimper; dishwasher contents) containing teaspoons believed not to have been previously used to unscrew things were gathered. These comprised both shiny metallic ('steel') and plastic spoons. In steel, 5 teaspoons (John Lewis, acquired at time of author's marriage to teaspoon expert, with subsequent resupply at time of critical inability to find any teaspoons at all in this bloody house); 2 IKEA teaspoons, two unbranded spoons (China), two Disney spoons (Pooh and ballons; Pooh and tree, both in the superior EH Shepard version); in plastic, 3 spoons (Teletubbies, Mothercare, and Heinz Baby Basics), and the breadmaker measuring spoon. A 5ml medicine spoon (provenance large national healthcare purchasing operation via author's spouse) was used as positive control , and volumetric studies were carried out with 5ml syringe of the same provenance. Water supplies (infrastructure by Cambridge municipal pride, billing by brand-consultancy-named French multinational rather regretting overacquisition) were un-ionised, not unlike the multinational.

Methods

Preliminary studies revealed surprising difference between the volume of water contained in a level teaspoon and the maximum loadable using surface tension to create a liquid 'heaped teaspoon'. Accordingly, each spoon was evaluated at its level load and its maximum load. Assessment of the point of level loads wa subject to parallax errors, especially when evaluated from the height of the six year old technical assistant, although these were minimised by the beginning of Gladiators on Challenge TV and the subsequent author-only experiments. Assessment of maximum loads were performed by watching for the first drip, and required a steadier hand than likely available. Volumes greater than 5ml were not experimentally accessible given this constraint on singlehandedly refilling the syringe. Replications were not performed so as not to complicate the ANOVA.

Results

Plastic-based teaspoons were found to be consistently smaller level loaders than steel ones and were discarded from the subsequent analysis on the grounds that no one visualizes a Teletubbies spoon full of neutron star. The plastic spoons did have comparable heaped loads to the metal ones, possibly because of increased surface tension. The 11 steel teaspoons had a mean level volume of 2.66 ml (sd 0.37ml) and heaped volume of 4.2ml (sd 0.46 ml). Intriguingly, the positive control medicine spoon had a level load of only 3.2ml (5ml heaped) leading to a reclassification of it as not a positive control, and a redefinition of laboratory medical procedures.

Conclusions

Teaspoons do contain about 5ml, but only when you heap them. Variation amongst our sample was about 20%. NASA is wrong. Water in surface tension looks rather beautiful close up.